5. Compass
Dear Sister in Islam,
41. Words have immense power. They are like bullets, causing untold damage, ricocheting off the confines of the heart, soul, brain and body, leaving ugly pockmarks behind. You have to protect yourself from abusive bullets. If this means completely cutting off contact from the gun, then that’s what you have to do. Your very existence is gifted to you by your Creator. You aren’t created to be oppressed, abused or denigrated. “To God we belong and unto Him we shall return.”
42. You have to constantly work on the purification of the spiritual heart, in order to attain a sound heart, the ‘qalb-un-saleem’. ‘Purification of the Heart’ (translated by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf), ’Agenda to Change Our Condition’ (written by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf/Imam Zaid Shakir) and the ‘Poor Man’s Book of Assistance (translated by Shaykh Hamza Yusuf) are some deeply insightful resources to aid in this process of polishing the spiritual heart.
43. The spiritual heart, the ‘qalb’ is your internal compass to navigate your life. You have to learn to listen to your gut instinct and not rationalise it away. Your subconscious knows what it knows, from knowing you better than anyone else knows you, directed by the spiritual compass of the ‘qalb’. Listening closely to your instinct can save you a vast deal of heartache.
44. Never, ever, ever ignore the red flags. Run. In the opposite direction. As far away and fast as you can get.
45. Never let anyone’s else attitude or judgement define you or your story, from their own subjective flawed perspective. Only you know your story. Only you endure what you endure. Only you walk in your shoes.
46. Never let anyone pressure you to live your life on their timeline. That includes your path to education, career, marriage, family planning, separation, divorce, healing, grieving, forgiving, socialising, moving forward etc.
47. There will always be people who don’t understand. There will always be people who are judgemental. There will always be people who will offer their unsolicited opinion. Let them be. Let them go. Most people don’t even know who they themselves are, let alone be capable of understanding you, judging you, and advising you.
48. Beware of donning a mask. Don’t deny or hide your true, genuine, real, authentic self. There is only one of you. You are uniquely you. You don’t need to follow the crowd to be accepted.
49. Beware of turning yourself inside out in order to people please. Don’t set aside your own wants and needs for other people, at the expense of your own health and wellness.
50. Beware of being the person everyone else wants you to be, in order to earn their love and approval, to the point that you no longer recognise yourself. Don’t live your life the way others want you to live it.
