12. Be a Lighthouse

Dear Sister in Islam,

111. Be a lighthouse for others, who are unwarily heading towards the same jagged rocks, in the same treacherous waters, upon which your ship crashed, in the pitch darkness and turbulence of the storm that brought you to your knees. You are a survivor. Your story belongs to you. Own your story. You paid for it in tears, heartbreak, fear, terror, guilt, shame, and torment as you tried to keep your head above water to prevent yourself from drowning in the vicious storm that rocked your ship with gale force winds.

112. You are the guardian of the womb, ‘the rahm’, derived from the name of the Entirely Merciful to All of His Creation, ‘Ar-Rahman’.

“…and the righteous women are devout, guarding in the unseen what has been ordered to be guarded by Allah…” [Surah Nisa/Women, Verse 34].

 .فَٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ قَـٰنِتَـٰتٌ حَـٰفِظَـٰتٌۭ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ ٱللَّهُ

The guardianship of the womb is a sacred trust. Know that the ties of the womb are linked to the Throne of God. Also know that women make up more than half the world’s populations and gave birth to the other half. Every man should revere the womb that carried you, nurtured you and gave birth to you by treating all women who cross your path with honour, dignity and respect.

113. The mother holds a very high status in Islam and that status was conferred upon you by God and the Messenger, ﷺ. No  man can take that away. 

114. You are your children’s first and most influential mentor. You carried them in your womb, nurtured them, gave birth to them, and weaned them for the prescribed period. 

115. The best gift fathers can give their children is to love, respect and take care of their mother. The mother will then take care of everything else and your home will truly be an abode of love, mercy and tranquility, interwoven with safety and security for all. Every mother needs to be told in words and shown in deeds that she is loved and appreciated by the father of her children.

116. Your children are very intelligent and very sensitive creatures. They see beneath the surface. They see the blatant hypocrisy of adults when words and behaviour do not align inside the home and outside the home. You are their primary role model. Beware of what your modelling is teaching them.

117. Your children aren’t extensions of who you are. They are their own little people. You can only guide, mentor and model for them what is taught in the Book and embodied in the life and character of our Beloved Prophet, ﷺ. 

118. The outcome of what you do and your children's inherent guidance lies in the hands of Ar-Rasheed (The Ultimate Guide and Director to the right path) and Al-Haadi (The Continuous Guide along the path).

119. Even if you see a train wreck looming in front of other people, whether that is in front of your own adolescent children or adult children, siblings, parents, friends or other loved ones, there is not much you can do to stop it, if they themselves aren’t willing to see it, lean in, make the right intention and do the work necessary to save themselves. You can only show and help others along the way. You are only in control of your own responses, actions and words to the vicissitudes of life.

As for the rest, let go and let God.

120. Marriages should be built on a bedrock of truth.

Know this…

Without truth, there cannot be trust.

Without trust, there cannot be respect. 

Without respect, there cannot be love. 

Without love, there cannot be mercy. 

Without mercy, there cannot be forgiveness.

Without all of these, there cannot be tranquility in the home.