Love, Loss and Life

No matter how much we love people, we cannot change them unless they have the sincere intention and are willing to put in the hard work themselves. Whether it’s our parents, our spouses, our children or our friends, we can only guide, mentor and advise, if they are open to receiving naseeha (advice) and then they take the initiative to implement change.

Often, we spend far too long, trying to be a force of good in the lives of people, who have no wish to do the hard work themselves, to the point that we exhaust ourselves. That is the inherent meaning in this nuanced verse that took me a very long time to understand…

إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا۟ مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ ۗ

“….Indeed, God will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves….”

(Surah Ar-Rad/The Thunder, Verse 11)

Life entails sound intention, hard work, struggle, patience, perseverance, self-discipline and steadfastness on the part of each and every individual. We can’t save everyone. At some point, we have to realise we’ve done all that we can, put in all the effort we can, and we have to make the painful decision to let go and walk away; To save ourselves, so we can continue to worship the Creator and be of service to others of His Creation.

There were many Prophets of God who couldn’t save their parents or their spouses or their children. Guidance is not in our hands. The outcome is not in our hands. It’s never easy to bring long term relationships to a close, but sometimes, it’s absolutely necessary, to save our own sanity, so we can continue on this journey we call life, which lasts a mere 60-70 years for most of us. We can only truly work on ourselves and be the change we want to see in the world and hope that that is enough.