Premarital Counseling
“And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find tranquility in them. And He has placed between you love and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.”
[Ar-Rum, The Romans, Chapter 30, Verse 21]
Marriage is an ayat (a sign/symbol/direction) of Allah and a sacred covenant between spouses, contracted under Allah and the Messenger of Allah, ﷺ. Please gift your children premarital counselling with a Muslim counsellor or psychotherapist. I cannot emphasise the importance of this enough.
At various stages in the lives of our children, from childhood through adolescence and to young adulthood, our sons and daughters participate in various clubs, extracurricular activities, vocational trainings, internships, and they acquire advanced college degrees in order to prepare them for their professional life. However, when it comes to marriage, we throw our adult children in at the deep end, without any training or candid conversations, and expect them to sink or swim without teaching them how to swim in the first place.
How are young adults expected to navigate the depths of the most intimate relationship in their lives, if we haven’t educated them on how to manage the turbulent waters of marriage?
It is of critical importance to provide premarital education on the rights, responsibilities, prophetic morals and manners, and really break down the purpose and principle behind an Islamic marriage according to the Qur’an and the Sunnah. Just as parents, caregivers and guardians invest in the wedding decor, clothes, jewellery, food, invitations, and elaborate festivities etc., please invest in premarital counselling with a trained counsellor or psychotherapist. Don’t go to the local imam for premarital or marital counselling - most of them them have no training whatsoever in this arena and can really cause immense harm and long lasting damage. They don’t understand their own limitations.
Trust me, it will save everyone a lot of pain, anguish and regret in the long term. Innocent children born into turbulent marriages pay a very high price without any volition on their part. Our children deserve better. Before committing to marriage, ask this question: Will this person make a wonderful mother or a father? We are choosing the future parent of our unborn children when we choose a spouse. Are our children going to be in good hands?
The divorce rates amongst Muslims in North America is skyrocketing. The cost of divorce is exponentially high, whether that is financial, social, emotional, psychological and or physiological. There are important pieces of ourselves that we can never get back - the loss of our innocence, our youth, our health, our time, parts our of life, and the loss of relationships that become collateral damage in the ashes of divorce.
Please, educate your adult children in what marriage in Islam means, the purpose behind the joining of two human souls and their families, the unborn children who are an amanah (trust) from Lord of the Worlds, and what each spouse’s rights and responsibilities are, based on the Qur’an, Sunnah and Seerah. This is so much more important than everything else that goes into the planning and execution of a wedding. Short term wedding festivities are beautiful and enjoyable but is it really going to lead to a long term beautiful Islamic marriage of Love, Mercy and Tranquility?
That is the critical question.
