Domestic Violence
Domestic violence affects millions of people, including men, women and children, and transcends race, religion, culture, social and financial status, and educational background. Domestic violence comes in many forms. Some forms leave no visible scars. In its six forms, domestic violence can be physical, sexual, psychological/mental, verbal/emotional, financial/economic, and spiritual/cultural abuse.
Abuse is defined as the systemic manipulation of another human being, in a negative and degrading manner. It is a pattern that tends to get worse over time, in intensity, frequency, and duration. Often, it is only the victim who sees the darkest side of the abuser behind closed doors.
According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), approximately 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men report experiencing some form of domestic violence each year in the United States. Predominantly the reported number of cases pertain to the physical form of domestic violence. In America, domestic violence accounts for 15 percent of all violent crime. These statistics pertain to the time before the world was catapulted into the Covid-19 pandemic. Alarmingly, calls to domestic violence hotlines and law enforcement agencies have spiked significantly, since the world began to shutdown in an attempt to contain the spread of the virus. Referencing a journal article in the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), the world’s statistics of domestic violence has risen so sharply, that in some countries it is reported to be as such as a 30% increase. This only includes the officially reported cases, as many more cases often go completely unreported.
The United Nations Secretary General, António Guterres, has pointed out that violence is not confined to the battlefield, and that “for many women and girls, the threat looms largest where they should be safest: in their own homes”. He called for urgent action to combat the worldwide surge and urged all governments to put women’s safety first, as they respond to the pandemic, which many governments neglected to do when lockdowns first went into effect. Life at home for women and children is made worse by the social isolation at home with their abuser, the resulting economic instability of the employment market, school closures, disruption of social services and the lack of funding for organisations who help women and children. These organisations were already woefully underfunded and financially strained before the advent of the pandemic.
As Muslims, we pride ourselves on our beautiful faith, at the essence of which is peace. Islam is a religion of compassion and mercy and the treatment of human beings is of paramount importance. Our beautiful faith does not tolerate oppression or abuse, but our communities perpetuate it with impunity. Many won’t admit that it happens at all. Few people want to talk about it. Even fewer do anything about it. Those who do speak out, rock the boat, challenge society’s norms, and insist that their communities confront the unpleasant ugliness of it all. It is a story cloaked in silence, shrouded in taboo, shoved under the rug in haste.
Homes are meant to be places of tranquility, filled with love and mercy, not battlegrounds of power, control, dominance. One of the Arabic words for home is ‘maskan,’ derived from the word ‘sakeena’ or tranquility, a dwelling of rest and repose. Sadly, there are many homes that are anything but homes. Instead, they are prisons filled with anger and rage, where raised voices, thrown objects, slammed doors, and other threats of imminent violence are common occurrences.
In sermons from the pulpit, we often hear of the rights of mothers and fathers. How these rights need to be honoured because they are sacred. What we don’t hear so much about, are the rights of children. Children have a right to be nurtured in mind, body, and soul. Children have a right to live in safe and secure spaces. Children have a right to grow and thrive in homes where the parents are a united front, where the foundation of the family unit is built on the values of truth, trust, love, respect, honour, dignity, kindness, gentleness and mercy.
Statistics and research show that growing up in abusive homes have traumatic and life long impacts on children, especially if children are exposed to abuse from a young age, whether they are victims of abuse themselves or watch one parent being abused by the other parent. This can lead to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), behavioural changes, psychological issues, and even suicide. Girls who grow up in homes where abuse occurs, are at a greater risk of victimisation as adults, and boys have a far greater likelihood of becoming abusers themselves.
The mosques and the community at large have an important role to play in the prevention and alleviation of domestic violence. Whether, it is in having difficult conversations in the home, or in the constant reminders at Friday sermons, or in the classes taught to the youth and larger community, or in the planning and building of shelters, or in the establishment of services such as counselling, legal assistance and financial support.
Change begins with knowledge, education, and collaboration. We have to learn and educate ourselves, become advocates, use our wealth, influence, and networks to build institutions and services for the underprivileged and underserved women and children, who are trapped in or fleeing domestic violence. Even if we can’t change the world for everyone, we change it for one heart at a time, one soul at a time.
