3. DriftWood
Dear Sister in Islam,
21. Your story is your own. You can choose to share it or not. Sometimes, it becomes necessary to be a voice for the voiceless, even if your first inclination is to pull the comforter over your head and hide yourself away.
22. White knights don’t exist in real life. No one is coming to rescue anyone. The only beings you can count on are your Lord and your own self.
23. Women leave the relationship when the fear of staying far outweighs the fear of leaving. That's the breaking point that forces you out.
24. Some women will never reach their breaking point because their sense of self has been eroded over time. They will never object to the abuse and oppression because they’ve been conditioned from childhood to accept despicable behaviour and to be ‘gracious’ and ‘nice’ at all times. They’ve been taught to conform to what society expects of them, no matter what their personal cost is. Sadly, many of these women will become splinters of their former self, like the driftwood tossed about hither and thither in the storm; driftwood that once stood tall as a strong and vibrant tree.
25. It is incredibly hard to escape an enmeshed abusive relationship. Upon fleeing, everything will get exponentially worse, perhaps even for a couple of years, before they get better. You will need to draw forth every ounce of strength and patience in your repertoire to see this through and reach the other side.
26. You have inherent worth and value by virtue of being the Creation of Ar-Rahman, ‘The Entirely Merciful to all of His creation and the especially Merciful to the believers.’ Never allow anyone to take that from you.
27. You don’t need approval or validation by others to make you feel whole. You are already a wholesome creation, by yourself, from the day you were created as a soul and sent to this world to take your first breath upon being born from your mother’s womb. You don’t need anyone to complete you, make you whole, or fulfil you.
28. You are not defined by your educational background, your family background, your status or power in this world, your wealth, your looks, your career, the home you live in, the car you drive or the city you live in. You are not defined by whether you are single, married, separated, divorced, have children, don’t have children etc. Don’t let anyone define or label who you are, except for what Allah has commanded, decreed His Book, and embodied by the Messenger ﷺ. You are defined by your faith and by your character alone.
29. You have been sold the idea of the perfect career, the perfect home, the perfect car, the perfect romance, the perfect spouse, the perfect life. The happily ever after. None of that exists in this world. Perfection is only for God and completeness is only for the Prophet, ﷺ, (Al-Insaan al Kaamil - the complete human being). What is in your purview is to strive for excellence, not perfection.
30. This is fundamentally important - do not raise boys to *be* someone and do not raise girls to *find* someone. This is a disservice to everyone.
