Ramadan Reflections 1444/2023 Part 22
Marriage in Islam
There are many young people across the Muslim world seeking marriage and carefully crafting their duaa to be asked, hoping to catch the Night of Power and Decree, Laylat ul qadr, in Ramadan. This is a night that is better than a 1000 months. In order to successfully craft the most beneficial duaa for marriage, it's important to understand the concept of the Islamic marriage, as Allah defines it in the Qur'an...
"Another of His signs is that He created for you, from you, your mate/spouse for you to find tranquillity: He ordained/placed love and mercy between you. There truly are signs in this for those who reflect."
[Surah 30 Ar-Rum/The Romans, Verse 21]
Many of us aren’t taught about marriage in the theological and spiritual dimension of Islam. What we were taught was only in the social and cultural dimension. No wonder we have an exponential rise in rates of divorce amongst Muslim community. We don't want this. Divorce is no picnic in the park and can cause immense trauma for adults and children, and this has a domino effect in the community. A sound and stable family, is the keystone to building successful and thriving communities, especially for the innocent children caught in the vortex of adult choices and decisions.
In the lives of girls and women, marriage has been held up as the ultimate pinnacle of success. Girls have been raised to FIND someone and boys have been raised to BE someone. Due to this distortion of our purpose of existence and the extreme societal pressure exerted by families to marry, no matter what or who comes along, many girls and women overlook the glaring red flags when seeking marriage, especially in the South Asian culture.
1. First and foremost, marriage is an AYAH of Allah, as stated in the ayah above. Each verse of the Qur’an is an ayah (a sacred sign/symbol/direction). This particular ayah (like many others in the Qur'an) states that within the ayah, is the ayah (a sacred sign/symbol/direction) of marriage.
2. He, God, created mates *for* you, *from* you. What does this mean? This means that the primordial soul of humanity (nafs-al-wahidah) was split to make Eve (AS) from Adam (AS) for Adam (AS). The splitting of the soul and the creation of the mate for Adam (AS) was completed even before Adam (AS) and Eve (AS) were granted access to the Gardens of Eden. This indicates that despite the blessings and bounties of The Garden, a companion was fundamental for the contentment of the first human being, and their progeny thereafter when they were sent as stewards and governors of the earth.
3. It is Allah Who places (ja’la) MAWADDAH (a deep, enduring, nurturing, nourishing, sustaining love that manifests in acts of service) and RAHMAH (a compassionate and empathetic mercy for the difficult times when you don’t like each other so much), so that the two may find SAKEENAH (safety, security and tranquility). Both love and mercy are paramount in this formula of marriage. There is no such thing as ‘falling in love’ in this ayah. The love and mercy are PLACED between the two by Allah. The prerequisite for this to happen, is to choose the mate based on TAQWA or God consciousness and noble character because both mates understand that marriage is not about them. The selection of God-conscious spouses with integrity, honesty and truthfulness.
4. Marriage is about Allah and His Divine Formula of mawaddah + rahmah = tranquility. Marriage is about Allah being at the centre of the equation and that the rights and responsibilities are under the umbrella of Allah, the Messenger ﷺ, the Qur’an and our traditional texts.
5. The sacred covenant of the marriage contract is a binding, intertwined union, made in The Name of God.
6. So this begs the question: What then is the ultimate goal of marriage? The ultimate goal of marriage is tranquility within the heart, the home, and in and with each other, to raise the new souls who are born within that marriage and home. The home then becomes the tranquil haven, filled with love and mercy, a place to feel safe and secure from the elements and torments of the outside world.
7. This verse confirms that marriage is an ayah (a sacred sign/symbol/direction), teaches the formula of marriage, and ends with the re-affirmation that there are ayat (sacred signs/symbols/directions) in this, for those who have tafakkur (reflection/contemplation/introspection).
والله أعلم
